Men Vet Women Cover Art

Enter His Mind: How Do Men Vet Women?

Use this guide to learn how high-value men vet women.

By: N'diah Love
By: N'diah Love

Read Time: 2 Minute

If you didn’t know that men vetted women until you came across this article, congratulations, you’ve unlocked one of their dirty little secrets. The question is not whether men vet women; the question is, how do men vet women.

Most men have been socialized to observe women and compartmentalize them from a very young age. For example,  She’s wife material vs. she’s a casual fling.  Even if they are not what we consider high value, they will have this skill. That means that once a man decides where to put you in his mind, it would be a tenacious task to shift his perspective. This doubly applies to high-value men; as they typically know what they want and what it takes to get it. Oppositely, they know what they do not want, and they don’t like to waste time. Ladies, rest assured, if you are vetting him, he is vetting you. Below I’ve compiled my observations to help you enter his mind (and stay there 😏).




present principle: vetting

to make a careful and critical examination of

Sidenote: Vetting can be simple and in the moment, like perhaps observing someone before you approach them, or it can be as formal as acquiring a background check. Depending on the situation and suitor, one may be more appropriate than the other, but please be aware that you will be vetted.

Body Language

Most men observe before they approach. What are they looking at you ask? Well, after reading countless articles and talking to my male friends, I have concluded that they are mainly observing your body language. Women who smile tend to stand out to men and make them want to approach you. Men also watch whether you are stand-offish or social, loud or appropriate, shy or mysterious. They will also look at whether you are mindlessly scrolling on your phone. So ladies, when you’re out freestyling, STAY OFF YOUR PHONES!


In social circles where appearances are important, your potential suitor will be looking at your etiquette. Do you allow men to open your doors? Do you show gratitude to those servicing you? He may even observe how you hold your wine glass or which fork you use during which course. If you’re looking to date in social circles where these behaviors are the norm, invest in etiquette classes.

Style & Dress

Depending on the gentlemen, he may look at the labels you may or may not be wearing. However, it’s very possible to look elegant, well taken care of, and downright stunning if you do not have a designer bag or designer shoes. Many high-value men look at how well- put-together you are. Are you chic, sexy, elegant, and appropriate? Then you have nothing to worry about.


The Company You Keep

As I said before, HV men observe before they approach. They may study you for 5 minutes before approaching you; or if you’re in his social atmosphere he may observe you 2-3 times before approaching you. One way that HV men vet women is by watching the company they keep or even knowing/judging the company you enjoy (for example: if a trusted friend introduces you vs. a sketchy associate). Or if he sees you at the same bar multiple times with a lady friend who is inelegant or messy, he may subscribe to the idea “birds of a feather, flock together…” or whatever some old misogynist said 🙄. 

Background Checks

If he performs a formal background check on you, he will see certain things you may or may not be proud of. This doesn’t happen often but it DOES happen (it’s happened to me). However, he may perform something less formal and ask around about you, google you, or find you on social media.

5 Second Scan

I decided to include this little tidbit after a conversation with a HV man. However, these are not blanket standards and should not be taken as such. Us your discernment, ladies.

The 5-second scan is the smooth once-over men give women upon meeting them. They are looking at your hair, face (teeth), nails, and feet. I was told that most men know from this scan whether they will pursue a woman or not. Shallow? Yes. Beneficial to know? YES. Always remember that men are visual creatures, and beauty is seen as a reflection of health, desirability, and fertility.


Bonus: Questions Men Ask to Vet You

  • How old are you?
  • What do you do for work?
  • Why are you single?
  • Where/what did you study?
  • Do you have a passport?
  • Where have you traveled?
  • What are your hobbies?

If you want to “Enter his Heart” next, pay attention to the next article in this three-part series. And for more luxury dating secrets, follow us on Instagram.

XO 😘 

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