undesirable woman

Photo by Bannon Morrissy

5 Real Reasons Why You’re Undesirable

The real level-up is mental and not for the weak of heart.

By: N'diah Love
By: N'diah Love

Read Time: 2 Minutes

What makes a woman undesirable? I’ll give you a hint: it’s not because you have children or because you’re “average at best”.

The provocative thought train has left the station and has caught fire in every corner of the internet. A particular video was circulated about the high-value dating market a few months ago that sparked some very important conversations surrounding the uncomfortable truths (and pseudo-truths) about being undesirable in the high-value dating market. I have been sitting back, listening, and taking a lot of notes about the perception of the market I participate in (and encourage other ladies to participate in), and after some time I’ve come to a few critical observations.


The most important observation that I’ve made is that most women have absolutely no idea of the leverage they could have over men in the dating market if they:

 By understanding the deep (and not so deep) desires of your target (audience), you are empowering yourself with the knowledge that it takes to render them powerless. Which is exactly what men learn to do in order to attract and conquer women. If there is anything that women should learn from men, it is how to make logical decisions and sometimes uncomfortable realizations in the name of getting exactly what you want. So, in the name of playing the dating game, read on for the real reasons why some women are undesirable. Hint: it’s not because they’re “average at best” in the face.

Disclaimer: If you cannot already tell, this article is for women who want to date and have long-term relationships with the men they desire. This information is for strategic purposes only. If you do not care what men think (or you do not want to level-up), this article is not for you.

Go Where You Are Desired

You will not be attractive to nor should you want to attract every, single man. THIS IS OKAY. I encourage you to go where you are celebrated and venerated. Or at the very least, liked. There is no reason why a high-value woman should not be able to attract high-value men if she is strategic about where she goes and who she chooses to entertain.  As a high-value woman, you should never beg for the attention of a man who is determined not to see your worth.


The first step to empowering yourself is stepping outside of victimhood and taking full accountability for where you are now. Yes, you can blame your parents, societal standards, and your ex-lover, for why you are not where you want to be and why you are not getting what you want, however, the only person who can change your circumstance is you. When you decide you are ready to heal, you will realize the blame game does absolutely nothing for you except keep you in a perpetual state of disempowerment. You will continue to attract disempowering situations if you cannot take a step back and understand the part you played (this does not apply to childhood trauma) in becoming who you are now. After you come to this realization, you will be ready to move forward with clarity and take control of your own life.

Bonus: As a result of practicing accountability, you will begin to understand the difference between holding people accountable for their actions and blaming them for your circumstances.  As a product of this understanding, you will be able to enforce better boundaries in your relationships.

Becoming bitter is a result of perpetual victimhood. Bitter women who have not reconciled their past relationships tend to run men off with their bad attitudes, negative outlooks, and overall hatred of men. Bitterness is highly unattractive to high-value men. They will run from you and not look back. No one wants to be around someone callous, unagreeable, uncooperative, and untrusting. Bitterness in a woman is like pouring cement onto a rose; it completely covers and eventually kills the beauty, radiance, and youth of the rose to make its value unrecognizable. If you are bitter, focus on healing yourself, going to therapy, and forgiving those who hurt you before entering the dating market. You will save yourself and others from unnecessary pain and suffering.


A lot of women want themselves in a male body. When I listen to many women’s expectations of men, it’s almost as if they are describing their best girlfriend. While I understand this desire, I understand how unrealistic this is. High-value men are masculine, provider men. This means that they are excellent counterparts for feminine women. KEYWORD: Counterparts. They are not your identicals; they are your polar complement. While the relationship between the masculine and the feminine is more complex than I will explain in this article, it’s important to grasp the simplicity of what masculine men are attracted to (and vice versa).

If he is action-oriented, assertive, self-reliant, strong, and structured; his compliment would be someone who is receptive, soft, adaptable, and sensual. This same logic applies to physical attraction. What a masculine man will find physically attractive is a radiant, feminine, sexy, and healthy-looking woman. That’s it, that’s all. It really is this simple and it only becomes complicated when a woman tries to project what she thinks men should want. If you are a woman who is more comfortable operating in your masculine, then your counterpart would be a more feminine man and this is okay. It’s important to be aware of who you are and what you want out of life before you begin dating. If you decide that you prefer a less traditional relationship or a relationship without gender roles, you will still have plenty of options. I nor anyone else can tell you what works best for you. Self-awareness is key.

One of the most beautiful traits of a woman is her capacity to experience emotion on a deep level. The love of a woman can move armies and destroy families. It can both nurture and cause a catastrophe. Once a woman understands that her emotions are a superpower, she will begin to wield them responsibly and use them to her advantage.

To a high-value man, a woman who lacks emotional control is a liability, and understandably so. When a woman lacks emotional control she is less likely to make logical decisions, instead zeroing in on how she feels in the moment. Not only is this a liability for a man it’s a liability for herself. If you cannot control your emotions you will be easy to manipulate and deter off of your path. Temporary emotions should never inform your long-term decisions. For example: if you are trying to lose weight and you wake up craving donuts, emotional control would be you choosing a healthier option or working out.

Emotional control is also resisting the urge for temporary relief. For example, you go on a date with a POT that you are highly attracted to and you wouldn’t mind sleeping with him on the first date however, you know that you shouldn’t because you understand the power of delayed gratification. Exercising emotional control would be you sticking to your boundaries and going home.

So after you take accountability, become self-aware, and understand the men you want to attract, what else is there to do? Apply the information you learn! Get your buns on your level-up journey and practice what you want to become! Go to therapy, pick up new hobbies, develop your femininity, work out, become more comfortable in your body, develop your own style, put yourself out there…the list goes on and on! None of the information you will receive is useful if you don’t actually apply it. When you are diligent in becoming the absolute best version of yourself physically, mentally, and emotionally, the energy you will begin to radiate on your level-up journey will be palpable. Not only will men be attracted to you, but you will also attract everyone around you. Men will desire you, and women will wonder what your secret is.

History Lesson: Did you know that some of the most successful seductresses in history were not the most beautiful? However, they were the most desirable. They were not only skilled in the arts and knowledgeable about politics and economics, but they were also excellent conversationalists, master seducers, and enchanting, sensual partners that brought kings to their knees (literally). Think Madame de Pompadour and Cleopatra.

Realistically not every woman can attract a Julius Cesar or a King Louis XV (nor should every woman want to), however, by understanding the fundamentals of desirability, you are opening up your options to high-level men. I hope this article is valuable to you on your level-up journey. This is not for the faint of heart but it’s oh, so worth it. XO

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