am i whore or a mother?

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Am I a Whore or Am I a Mother? Candace Owens vs Shan Boody

Spoiler Alert: I’m Both.

By: N'diah Love
By: N'diah Love

Read Time: 1 Minutes

I was inspired to write this post after watching sex educator and author Shan Boody’s reaction to a recent Candace Owens interview. In this clip, Boody dissects the thought process, the pros, and the cons around creating a hierarchy between women who use sexuality and seduction to attract attention versus women who use other means, which Owens deems to be of higher moral ground, or “better”.

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The point that Shan made which sparked my own inner conversation was when she critiqued, “…History was written down as a reference of who we were and how we can be better, not so that we can go backward. Going forward is the answer”, she claims. I also agree that the answer to how to be better people, better women, and better feminists is to move forward in unity and solidarity with other women regardless of their choices. Feminism and Femininity as well as traditional femininity and modern femininity are at odds with each other for no other reason other than that we are succumbing to the idea that one way is better than the other. One woman is better than the other. For me, the heart of feminism is about choice. Women should be able to choose their path without the threat of violence and the violation of their human rights.

We can not go back to the 60’s nor can we go back to the 16th century. Women as we are today are products of not only queens and wives but also courtesans and concubines. We are new age mothers, priestesses and witches, herbalists and wise women. We are warrior women and wild women. We are descendants of every type of woman and these women still live within us today. It is our job to prevent the erasure of EVERY story, not just the one that we are currently living or the ones being pandered as “better” than the other. Only you can choose which lifestyle suits you best.

"Real liberation comes not from glossing over or repressing painful states of feeling, but only from experiencing them to the full.”

― C.G. Jung, The Archetypes and the Collective Unconscious Tweet
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Owens believes that women who bask in their sexuality and sensuality on display for others to see are regressive. She then goes on to speak about motherhood as if motherhood is separate from womanhood; and as if motherhood and robust sexuality do not coexist within the realm of the feminine. Like so many others she fails to understand that not honoring the multi-dimensional nature of women is not only regressive but toxic and damaging. The Madonna/Whore complex that she uses to drive her points home creates a division between not only women but the sexes. Leaving sexuality and sensuality for the “whore”, who is intrinsically below the “madonna”, reinforces unhealthy and disconnected masculinity and femininity. Read more about this in my article about the role of the dark feminine.

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I could truly write a 25 page paper about how this type of messaging is harmful to the feminine and the masculine, however, I’ll leave it here with one last thought.

Shan Boody analyzes Candace Owens perfectly by calling out the clear internal struggle that is reflected in her negative speech against other women, while she herself has honored her desire to exist in a male-dominated industry (political analysis), whilst still being a mother.  I challenge each woman who reads this to reflect on the parts of yourself that you are not honoring and honor them; whether it’s the whore, the mother, the wild woman, the businesswoman, or the nun. The beauty of this life is that you get to choose.

Choose freedom.

For more articles on femininity, follow us @letssweettalk.  XO

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